So before we left Bainbridge I was attempting to be deeply reflective and intentional going into our sixth year of international teaching and third year in India. I had intentions (two parts!) and was very aware of how my ability to remain optimistic was going to influence the kids’ adjustment. And here’s where I am going to be really honest:
Two weeks in and I am struggling.
I feel like I have to say that I love, love my job and my struggles are not about that. In fact, school (for me and the kids) is a huge piece of normalcy and routine that is doing so much to ease our transition back to India. My first week working as an EC 4 teacher has been wonderfully exhausting. I am happy I made the move to EC and I have had more than one moment of freezing time in the midst of classroom chaos to realize just how lucky I am to do something I am passionate about on a daily basis. The kids love school. They are over the moon at the end of each day. I don’t take any of this for granted.
But this year it felt more difficult to leave our life in the United States behind. I know we don’t “live in the real world” during the summer-not working and hanging out with the kiddos is not a sustainable practice-but I miss pieces of our life that are sustainable. I miss being able to go for a run on a regular basis, driving towards the mountains and in the same day hitting the sea, I miss having to decide which park to go to each day. I miss training for races and living in a community that has values that are the same as ours.
I am not sure what his all means. If anything. Transitions are always challenging for me so perhaps this is no different. I don’t have it in me to lay out a five step plan to remedy my feelings right now. I can’t even bring myself to look back on my intentions from a few weeks ago-it all feels too difficult now.
But I feel like I need to be honest about my struggles right now. This blog is our family record of our adventures living overseas and while that is mostly good, sometimes it is hard, and I suppose that needs to be said just as much as everything else.
I am in India right now, but my heart is still in Bainbridge.
Are the pictures too big? I suppose. But that’s how those days feel in my heart right now.
I miss that time and that life and I am aching just a bit. I live in a country where there are people with real difficulties and true challenges so I realize this is all very #firstworldproblems. But it is where I am right now.
Just being honest.